OOTD: Date Night Looks for the Hopeless Muggle in the Wizarding World

Okay, listen up you little muggles…

I know putting together date night outfits is rough. Show too much skin, and you’ll look like a death eater man eater. Dress too conservative — you might look like Professor McGonagall at last year’s Yule Ball.

Not only do you have the building anxiety and anticipation, but also the stress of location, atmosphere, and of course — the outfit.

What do you wear on a first date? I have previously discussed some quick date night outfits, but I know what you muggles are thinking — what if you land a witch/wizard?? Let’s take a quick moment to remember that we’re all human — but not all of us are magicless squib lame-o’s.

Let’s set up some scenarios.

SCENARIO ONE —

Your magical prospect has asked you out on a date. Naturally you’re confused at first, because it came in writing and was delivered by an owl that doesn’t seem to want to leave. What do you do? Of course you write back! And for fucks sake use a quill if you have one.

So you write back nervously, haha what’s with the old paper and the owl? Just text me (xxx)xxx-xxxxx.

Very smooth.

But now you’re waiting anxiously for a reply that may never come. Luckily for you this fellow has a friend that works in muggle relations and is able to shoot you a quick text with a cell phone adapted for the magically gifted. This is the moment that matters. Setting and ambiance are important in a first date, and are critical for establishing a proper outfit. Let’s explore scenario one.

He shoots you a text that says sorry, dinner in D.A. tonight?

Obviously you don’t know what D.A. stands for, but it was a dinner invite nonetheless! Getting asked out to dinner is increasingly rare. In a world of happy hours and let’s grab a drink, being invited to sit at a table and enjoy a meal together doesn’t happen much anymore. So maybe this chap is a bit more old school and formal.

Enter the classic dress and heals

Stella McCartney dress and Tabitha Simmons shoes available @GitoMill (price upon request and Galleon conversion not available.)

You’ll be slaying more than dragons in the flirty little dress. Plus you’ll be super on-trend with the bell sleeves. And is it just me,  or is there something slightly witch-y about them? Subtly hinting that you’re open to learning more about his culture/world is important!

Plus, if he decides to travel by floo network make sure he splurges for first class fireplaces. You’re a muggle not an animal! the short dress will be least likely to get soot on it, not a concern if you go first class. Also, if he is going to apparate you there — shave your legs. There is no bigger mood killer than your devils-snare-like leg hairs prickling through his super trendy seersucker pants.

SCENARIO TWO —

You’re minding your own business walking down the street on your way to lunch when your sexy wizard man seems to appear out of no where. STALKER. It seems to happen more and more, and you would think its weird, but the way he works that wand has got you seriously day dreaming accio cold shower!  So on a particular sunny day, your magic man pops up in front of you and asks you out to Sunday-Funday day-drinking.

Don’t Panic.

He mentions a beirgarten in some neighborhood you’re sure doesn’t exist, but you don’t question it because his swish and flick game is out of this world he has you under some sort of spell. See what I did there?

The goal is to look casual, hint that you’re open to magic, but still look like the hottest muggle to roll through.

Denim cut offs can be worn with basically anything. Thigh-high boots? Sure, but not my choice for spring/summer. Sneakers? Obviously, but this is a first date. Throw on some chunky heels to keep the vibe casual but still sexy. Next, add a t-shirt that casually throws a nod in his direction is this cultural appropriation? and finish with a leather jacket for some much needed edge.

Shorts – Forever21 sold out but shop similar – $19.90 or roughly 3 Galleon (don’t take my word for it though, I’m not mathematician — here is the conversion rate. )
T-Shirt – Amazon – Available for $1.99 + $7.99 shipping and please don’t ask me to convert that to the wizard rate.

This outfit will have you looking like you have a lunch date at 2, but you’re gonna slay the Potter convention by 5. Nailed it.

When you don’t have a fireplace so you have to wait for Bae to apparate.

Also, don’t be afraid of a bold lip.

SCENARIO THREE —

Wizard-Bae called. How though? You two have been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and you’re pretty sure you’re exclusive. In your head, you have 3 children together, you’re saving for a Hogwarts education and compulsively taking online quizzes to figure out what house they’ll be sorted into. Summer home in Hogsmeade? He mentions that he has tickets to his Alma Mater’s House Final Quidditch match. Is he taking you? No, sadly, he is going with some buddies.

BUT WAIT. There is a light at the end of tunnel that hits you like a scarlet Hogwarts Express.

He invites you to the the after party at the Three Broomsticks. Whaaaaat? Chill, my little no-mag friend. No need to panic about booking a last minute flight to London because you know… ‘MURICA, after the game he’ll pop in and pick you up.

This is NOT casual. I repeat. NOT casual. You will be meeting his friends for the first time. You will be seeing that ex-girlfriend he dated for a year in high school who still owls him from time to time. Not that you’re a stalker but you found out that it just didn’t work out because they were in different houses and that they briefly reconnected in Wizard Uni, but then lost touch again and that she is definitely salty about some past shit. First of all, BITCH. Fuck you AND the house you claim!

Just to arm yourself with some knowledge, take this quiz here and figure out what house you would have been in. And make sure you know what Bae was. People always seem to have a problem with Slytherins. Why though? I’ve found them to be either super ambitious with deep pockets or total bad-boy death eater types. Neither good for commitment, but definitely fun dates. I tend to avoid Ravenclaws. They can be pretty pretentious. No, sorry… I don’t have text alert set up for eeeeevery little thing the Ministry of Magic does and I don’t care that Cornelius Fudge sent his owls through a private floo network server.

(on a side note, I have always been sorted into Hufflepuff – Go Honeybadgers! – with every quiz, but Pottermore is more official and I’ve been sorted into Gryffindor. I feel lost and confused. I’ll have to drink meditate over this)

If you have the time and the cash, then invest in a t-shirt that supports Bae. Nothing like showing your team spirit for his house.

Indulge in some butter beer, but don’t get sloppy! Bae’s ex will be lurking nearby, no doubt waiting to jinx you any chance she gets salty hag!

So now I’ve walked you through three distinct scenarios. Don’t be intimidated to get out there and join the Magical Dating scene. But please, be safe. Never apparate somewhere without letting your friends know first and don’t just jump on any old broomstick. We all know the guy that brags about getting into the best pubs and alleys and just when you think he’s picking you up in a new two-seater firebolt, he pulls up in his mom’s dusty Nimbus 2000. Stay woke witches.